Life isn't about how many people you know, what you can attain or other vain pursuits.
It is about opening your heart to love someone,
opening your eyes and hands to the needs of others and
opening your soul to The One who created you.

Life is about growing and changing.
Every day is a new opportunity to stretch yourself and
choose a little better than you did the day before.

There will be mountains of rejoicing and valleys of sorrow
and everyone must walk their own path, no two are the same.
But we are blessed when there are those
who will take us by the hand and walk beside us.

No matter how dark or lonely our walk becomes,
we can look with anticipation and hope
because we are directed and lovingly guided
by the hands of our Heavenly Father through this sacred journey.
And one day, if we prove faithful, we will receive the ultimate reward.

~ Jeannie Isaacs



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Saturday, August 23, 2008

What the HECK is going on with me???

Very few people are seeing this post. I just wondered if you had any thoughts...? I am positive I have a cyst on my left ovary. I had it in June and I can tell it is still there. When I noticed my cycle was at 48 days, I started temping just because I wanted to see what was going on and expected to see anovulatory temps (up and down, up and down with NO pattern). I realize this is only a part of my cycles temps and they could have looked like this the whole way through. I just find it really weird that they don't look as anovulatory as most of my cycles in the past that HAVE been.

Here is the link: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/blessedwith4
Password: 4littleblessings

I use a diaphragm religiously and use it exactly as I'm supposed to. I'm a little freaked out because as you can tell from my chart, Scott and I aren't always real busy in the bedroom. We just happened to be a few weeks ago and now I'm wondering if I should be concerned. At worst - I'd be 11 dpo IF I even ovulated and I can't confirm that. It is POSSIBLE that my temp drop yesterday was implantation (it can happen between days 6 and 10 - depending on when the egg is fertilized...a later implantation can be an egg that wasn't fertilized right away) but I'm skeptical.

Logically, I don't see how in the WORLD I could be pg. I NEVER ask for help with these charts because I'm not a "drama starter" and I don't tend to panic about stuff like this because we are careful and we don't take risks. I've had some nausea off and on but I've been on supplements and meds that can cause that. I just don't know what is going on . I also had pelvic twinges that resulted in a HUGE temp spike afterwards which makes me wonder if it was delayed ovulation. If it WAS, I don't see how my egg could have been healthy enough for fertilization but can't women conceive that haven't had AF in YEARS?

Seriously, this would not be the best time for a baby. I haven't wanted to freak Scott out but I've been keeping him updated on my temps and we were prepared for AF to start. I had a tiny bit of red spotting last night and then NOTHING today and my temp went up. The more I sit here typing this the more freaked out I'm getting because it looks SO similar to my other pgs!!

I'm thinking I may grab some tests while I'm out (I cannot even BELIEVE I'm saying this) and take one tomorrow and see what happens. If my temp goes down I will wait and if it stays up - I will check. I'll continue testing depending on my temps.

It is SO confusing because I would LOVE to be pg and have another baby but I'm trying SO hard to lose weight. My insulin has come down (which can make a woman more fertile when she is insulin resistant) tremendously from 16 to 8. I've been walking for an hour every night and I've dropped a few lbs this week alone (5 in the last 2 weeks) and overall, I'm feeling the best I have in MONTHS. I would love to be pg but I want to be healthy and I want my husband to be on board with it. Another surprise pg is not my idea of the best situation. We have so much going on here at home that we're trying to get done and a pg would truly complicate things.

I know I'm talking in circles but I'm just so stunned. This could turn out to be nothing and maybe it is and I'm all worked up for no reason. Please tell me if I'm crazy and if this doesn't look like what I am thinking it does. I'm afraid of what Scott would say because I would NEVER compromise my marriage by getting pg behind his back. I wouldn't want him to ever question my loyalty or trust. I could get into the whole issue of our intimacy but I don't have time right now. I'll post about it later. Scott loves me but he's 42 with tons of BP and anxiety issues and his meds kind of remove his interest if you catch my meaning. If I'm tired or we're busy - sex just doesn't happen. It has been an issue for me for years but we have learned to adapt. I've been more proactive about going after it and since my cycle was long and I assumed I wasn't ovulating, I thought this would be a good time to get some in. I had no clue my temps would look like this! :*(

OK. I've gotta run. Kids have a birthday party and Scott is home. Please check my chart and let me know what you think. Am I going crazy? I sure feel like it...
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